Better...

Thanks for reading my last blog post... I was beyond frustrated, tired... and just plain miserable.

Had .3 taken out. There is no real reason as to why my band was acting up. I was prescribed an anticid to help but not really sure how that is going to help in the long run. The good news is that I have been sleeping like a baby.. NO aspiration. WHEW. Thank goodness.

I 'll keep you posted on my next plan of attack.

For the moment it's all about mindful eating.

Damn it! The band and I are not getting along!!!!

YES! Goody two shoes just cursed on her blog. For most of you that is not a big deal but to those that know me personally you'll know that I am a pretty straight laced kinda gal who goes to church every Sunday and only curses when no one is around or if I am feeling kinda naughty. ; )  But right now I could yell it from the roof tops... I am so frustrated with my band. guuurrrrrrr... #@!!%!!!!!!

In July/Aug, I was aspirating and had a major unfill and then by October I had gain 10lbs. Since hubby and I were considering trying for a wee baby I figured that I would old school it and try counting calories and working out so that I could lose the weight without a fill. Plus, I wanted to see if I could do it. AND DANG it's hard work... I mean... if I was ever any good at losing weight in the first place I wouldn't have needed this band. Losing weight without the band having a proper fill can be pretty discouraging AND since I have this feeling that there is no wee baby on it's way anytime soon. I decided to what the heck, go get a small fill to help things move along.

So last Monday I had .75 of a 1cc put in my band. I do the required liquids for 24 hours and then start my normal band eating... The next day is awesome! No hunger... small meals. (no more eating bread) feeling great. Eating on a schedule. Back to the good days but then night comes.... I was thinking that there was a lot of pressure in my esophagus before going to bed. But since I had eaten well over 4 hours earlier I figured it had to be fine. NOPE! About an hour after falling a sleep I wake up to stomach acid in my throat. Well crap! I prop my pillows up and sleep the rest of the night sitting up. I baby it for the next few days and every night I can feel the pressure and I start sleeping in a up right position. (think a lazy boy of pillows) Last night it was the worse... I am not kidding about every 2 hours I would wake up by a small burp of stomach acid. SO FINE! FINE! FINE! FINE! FINE!

I am going for an unfill tomorrow.

I am just ticked off at the moment.

Frustrated that when I get the "sweet spot" I also get aspiration.

I refuse to damage by esophagus or risk aspiration pneumonia.

Frustrated because I feel fine all day long but during the evening. It get's all tight.

pneumonia

pneumonia

nfection/pneumonia

nfection/pneumonia

Exhausted because I haven't slept  well all week along. Sitting up in bed just doesn't give me a restful night sleep... neither does randomly being woken up by burps or stomach acid.

Here I sit at 9:57pm my last meal was a 6:30pm the tightness in my esophagus is there... I keep burping and  thinking what the #@!!%! why is this only happening in the evening. A bit afraid to attempt to sleep because of the horrible night I had last night. Wishing I could have had that un fill today or yesterday. And just generally frustrated.

So to make myself feel better I'll post two photos of me and a friend of mine. Just to remind myself how AWESOME the band can be. Hoping that I can figure out what to do next. I'll keep you posted.

Doesn't She look great!!!! Together we have lost about 250lbs. So cool.

My first 5K... A MUD RUN!!!

It's about time... that I ran a 5k. O.K. so I didn't really run it... I started out strong and then about 50 paces into it... I walked it. LOL! but I gave it my best effort!!

I had a friend with me and we ran, walked, ran, walked, walked, ran, walked, walked, walked, ran, walked, walked, walked, walked, crawled... heck it was a mud run after all. And to be honest by the end I had so many rocks in my shoes that the whole experience was becoming painful. LOL!

I didn't properly train for anything serious... and to be honest I HATE running. (Give me a bike any day.)  So at least a mud run made it bearable and heck even possible... add a good friend in the mix and BAM! an automatic good time. Here are some fun pics... just for the heck of it. : )

 That is me on the left... making some sort of face...??? lol.

GO ME!!!! I tried not to think about this being at a equestrian arena... nothing like playing in poo... : )

Quick Update! MUCHO BETTER!

 Quick Update: I am doing good... the lowest amount of fill in forever but no aspirating and feeling great. The Negative:  I am up 10lbs. But I am at my OH CRAP point and am so far successfully not gaining anymore and am focusing on losing. The Plan: Joined myfitnesspal.com to track my calories and I am loving the interface. Running a 5k this weekend that I am ill prepared for but going to do it anyways! Pray for me! ; ) AND since my play is over I am back at the gym this week and ready to get back in shape and back on track. In a nutshell: Happy as a clam and enjoying my free time and the last of the summer days with my boys. Oh and officially off birth control. YIKES! Yep, no pressure or hurry but God willing we are open to THAT! Scary! : )

 Finished my play Into the woods. Yes, that BEAUTIFUL but vain stepsister on the left is me. So much fun!

]

And yes that is me and Chris... sigh.... what can I say.... we are tight. He thinks I look hot in my bloomers. ; )



 

WHAT?!? Swollen Band!!!

Here's my update...

Haven't had a fill or unfill since Dec 2010....

Then this last month I have been struggling a bit at night. About once a week I would wake up with fluid in my throat. Which makes me cough and there was a slight stomach acid to it all. It was smaller then my past aspiration experience. (smaller amount of fluid almost burp like amount)

I wasn't sure what to do about it. I made sure to quit eating at dinner time (6pm-ish) and give myself a few hours before bed. And that seemed to help. But then it would happen again when the only thing I had put in my body was water and when I hadn't eaten food for over 4 hours. I know how dangerous aspiration is but I figured I could just avoid having an un fill by sleeping most nights propped up with pillows and cutting off all food and liquids at least 3 hours before bed.

That only worked about 90 percent of the time. It was just so dang unpredictable. UGH!

Well, this weekend we went camping and it was horrible. I wasn't eating poorly, so it wasn't because I was abusing my band... but for what ever reason I was aspirating multiple times at night. Last night I ate my last meal at 8pm and drank little to no water the rest of the evening. Went to bed at 1:30am and woke up at 4:18, 5:30, 6:00 and 7:15... 3 of those times I was propped up in a sitting position. So in a nutshell I was aspirating on my saliva. WHAT THE ****!

By morning I was scared and I called and made an appt for an unfill. I was prepared to take all the fluid out. I kept thinking of my sweet boys and how it would totally suck if I died because I was to stubborn/scared of weight gain to go get a unfill.

Sigh.

Luckily, I seem to not be any worse for the wear and I have had 1cc taken out. I asked "How come a band that is perfect for months can suddenly be so tight?" I was told that it just happens.... sigh. I guess when I got banded I thought once I was in the green zone it would just stay there. But I am learning that is not the case. I am  beginning to understand that in order to be a responsible band owner I will be maintaining "it" for the rest of my life.

But I am so grateful for the new life it has given me that it will be worth the cost of the multiple DR appts a year. I better just start adding in the cost of my band maintenance into the family budget. It is what it is.I think I was just in denial for the last month. (and I HATE spending money on things I "think" I can fix myself)

On a side note: I went blonde!!! I guess you can say that my weight loss has empowered me and I am doing things now that I would have never done before. I tried out for my 1st play and actually got a part. In August I will be performing as a vain stepsister in a production of INTO THE WOODS. How crazy is that!

 These are not the best photos but this is me in one of my on stage costumes. I seriously am only wearing this outfit in 2 of the scenes. How nuts is that!!!! I am a bit concerned about the skin under my arms waving to the audience but I guess I can just try to keep my upper arms close to my body. Well, wish my luck on that one... let's just hope you can't notice from the floor. I seriously would have never been brave enough to do this at 313 lbs.

And here I am with my blonde hair. My hubby likes it... so maybe it will stay around for a while. I dunno. Personally I am a brunette so I haven't completely takin to it.



Well... I'm off to bed.  I am WAY nervous that I will have another horrible night. Hoping that 1 cc was enough of a un fill. The DR made it sound like it would be. Last night really, really freaked me out.

Night.

WHAT!?! 2 Years just snuck right past... (pictures)

I've been banded for 2 whole years... getting this little tool "installed" was the best gift that I could have given myself and my family. I am still anxious to see where this journey will take me. (And to be honest a bit nervous as to where I'll end up) But all I can say is that never in all my life of dieting have I ever been able to maintain any amount of dieting/weight loss for any amount of time. So this is a new record for me and you know what? I'm still losing...

Yeah, sure, it's a lot tougher now to lose weight then it use to be (when I was first banded, it came off without a lot of work on my part) but it's at least possible!!! And for so many years.... it was just SO IMPOSSIBLE!!! I feel normal now.

Maintaining is the new normal for me and if I want to lose weight then I have to really eat less and work out more. I mean that is what I always heard people say that's what it took to lose weight but it just never worked that way for me.

I can't really explain it. But if you've ever been really overweight you'll know what I'm talking about. And if you've never struggled with major weight issues then you'll just think it was lack of will power on my part. But I'm telling you... it was something more. Something I couldn't take care of on my own. I needed help and for me that help came in the form of a little tool called a Lap-band.

Now losing weight is more like a game. A challenge... Can I lose another 10 lbs? If not.. Oh'well.. I am happy where I am... if so then how cool is that!!

I have met all my personal goals for why I wanted to lose this weight... my last goal of seeing 180.00 on the scale is only 8lbs away. I have lost 125lbs. I am 94% of the way to my goal of 180lbs.

I feel blessed. What an opportunity and blessing this has been for me and my family. I remember about a week before I went to have my surgery laying in bed with my husband, he said something like "Wow, this could really be a game changer... you could look totally different in a year...." I agreed with him but my heart was thumping in my chest and I was really scared that it was just another false hope, just another gimmick, just another failed attempt... AND It hasn't been a magic fix. It HAS taken work, effort, dedication and responsibility. But I'm telling you now... It's been worth it!

So just for fun... here are some photos of me pre-band. As always click on the picture for the larger version. (cringe) I'm sure I have even better more embarrassing pictures in my back up files but these were the handy picture files still on my computer.










2 years After:

Yep, that's me on the left with 3 of my siblings... I look tiny wedged in there between my big ole brothers. Yeah, and I just said "tiny" a word that I never thought I would say in regards to me!

hmmmm... another gastirc to band story - GO CARNIE!

Carnie Wilson undergoes weight loss surgery for the second time

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2012/03/21/carnie-wilson-undergoes-weight-loss-surgery-for-second-time/?intcmp=features#ixzz1pn91sUrT

Whew!

Happy to say that I made it back to my pre christmas weight! YEAH!

I am on a new mission to make it to 180.0 by Easter. I even bought a Easter skirt and top that doesn't really fit at the moment. It's all snug and lumpy. So I have what about six weeks to drop that last 10-12 lbs. In order for that outfit to look good.

It's been a while since I set a serious goal so this is going to be challenging. I figure it's perfect timing. It's starting to warm up and I am am ready to get a movin.

I have always wanted to weigh 180.0 but never thought it possible. I am so close... I can almost taste it! I can soooo do this!!! Send me some good motivation vibes! Cute Easter outfit here I come... by the way... it is a size 12. AHHHH!!! a size 12!!! That is nuts!

It's Your Choice...

If you keep eating what you've been eating you'll keep weighing
what you've been weighing.  

Your CHOICE.  

ADMIT that every time you eat you are making CHOICES.

Choices that lead you towards or goal or choices that keep
you stuck or make you go backwards.  Figure out what you
REALLY want and make the choices that lead you there.

--Jessie

Read this to day... and it made me go hmmmmmmm.... going to post it on my bathroom mirror.

Don't think about it!

I've decided to "not think about it".

When I get up in the morning I just put my work out clothes on... drop my son off at school and head directly to the gym.

Once I am there I LOVE it!

The problem I have is that if I think about it... I make all kind of excuses not to go. example: I'll work out at home, I'll go later, I am running behind and the class will be to full... etc etc

So there you have it. Decide what you are going to do... and then don't think about it. ; )

1st major weight gain since being banded

Well it had to happen at some point. After having lost half of my fill... and combining the timing with Christmas. It was the perfect storm. Yep.. I put on about 9lbs!! HOLY CRAP! Yep that is how I feel. It happen in like two weeks... it was all that dang sugar and lack of will power.

The good news is that I am down 3 lbs already and I REFUSE... I SAY REFUSE!!! to go down the gaining weight road any further.

I have a fill appt this coming week. I am hoping that I have been unfilled long enough that any band irritation that I had has gone away.

To help things in the right direction... I am only allowing myself to have sugar 1 day a week. (I can have honey... just no sugar)

Also I am back at the gym.

That's it in a nutshell.

Stupid weight gain but hope is in the near future! : )

Want to see video of my fluoro? SO FREAKIN COOL!

Can I say AMAZING!! I have been banded for a 1 year and half and yesterday is the first time I have actually seen my band working. I have a whole NEW respect for "her". I always new that I had it in me but seeing it on screen and watching it gave it a whole new level of "real".

I was able to have my husband sneak some video while they were working on me. And I am going to share it with you... SOOOOO COOL! (or at least so cool to me)

My phone takes crappy video but at least you can see it...



The 1st video shows what I came in with... I was drinking a liquid and it just went in to my band and stayed there. The dark bubble is my small stomach on top of the band filled up and noticed that nothing is gong through. To the top left you can see a long vertical dark area that is heart burn. (which I could not feel)





This video shows what a band should mostly look like with liquid hitting the band and moving through the small top of my stomach to the bottom part of my stomach. (liquid should never meet resistance with the band.. just solid food)




This last video shows what my band does with liquid when I have no fill at all... completely empty.





In a nutshell I came in with 5.25 CC for some reason I was to tight and water was struggling to get through. Which explains my aspiration at night after drinking water before bed. For the most part I didn't know I was to tight... I never felt the heartburn. Crazy huh?

(I haven't had a fill since last February and the aspiration at night just started happening about 2 months ago)

So they took out all but 2.25 CC. They think I had some irritation in my band area which caused me to swell up a bit... which was causing the aspiration and the heartburn. So I am going to wait 3-4 weeks and go back in for another fill.

I don't like losing those fills but I respect the band to much to let it go irritated. This is my gift and I will be kind to it and my body!

Also: most bands should be at a 45 degree angle.. mind is at 70 degree which is a little odd but the Dr. said that could just be normal for my body.

--Heather

188.4 WOWSERS!

Oh yeah! This was one of those crying moments...

Weight loss has slowed down dramatically but it's moments like this that remind me that my weight is still going down... (not up).

I think that means I am only 8 lbs away from being at my intial goal weight of 180. Not really sure where I will go from there... since I never really ever expected to get there. LOL!

I am in unmarked territory for sure.

On a side note: I went and saw my DR last week. Just to talk and see if I needed a fill or if I should stay where I was at. Ended up that the Dr. took OUT .3, yes that is right took OUT .3... I almost started crying in her office. I guess my few episodes of waking up in the middle of night with reflux made her nervous. So we scheduled a fluro for this Wednesday and she sent me on my way. I have to say... that I haven't felt much difference in losing .3 of my fluid. I was beyond scared that I would be starving but I feel the same as before. Interesting.

I'll keep you posted on my fluro results after my appointment.

HAPPY 188lbs to me...

Update

What can I say... I am a horrible blogger. It's mostly because the excitement of my weight loss has slowed down. I am still losing but it is at a slower rate and takes a little more dedication on my part.

I have finally lost 120lbs (I have some great photos to post) but it has been slow going. At least I'm not gaining, that's a huge improvement. lol.

Well, hope you all are doing good. I'll get those pictures posted soon. And then I'll post as I c an.

First time on an airplane since surgery

All I can say is.... "I LOVE BEING THINNER". WOW! What a difference it makes in almost all aspects of my life.

I just got back from a weekend getaway with my hubby. I haven't been on a flight since I traveled for my surgery. (over a year ago)

I have to be honest and say that I was hoping there would have been a little more room in my seat then there was. I fit, YES!, with the arm rest down!!There just wasn't a whole lot of extra room. It was a reminder to me that I am only at the beginning of where I actually want to be.

I didn't have to ask for a seat belt expander. I didn't have to beg my seat neighbor to leave the arm rests up. I didn't have to worry about my thigh pressing the seat recliner button on the arm rest and then having to use my stomach muscles to keep my chair up right while the plane lifted off. (true story)

It was beautiful.

It was amazing.

Life is good.

But I still want to lose more... so my seat has even more room next time. : )

Under 200lbs... WOW!!!

A huge day for me! I am hoping that this picture comes thru my phone to the blog.
I am on vacation with my hubby for his high school reunion. (Tulsa, OK) Maybe reaching "onederland" is fitting for this week because I haven't weighed under 200 lbs since I was in high school. I don't know where my Lap-band journey will take my weight to.... but I like the direction. lol.
Happy onederland to me!

Neglected, yes... but not forgotten.

Yep, that's me and my girl... my chicken Anna.

A HUGE, SORRY to my followers and friends. I am only now able to finally commit to writing a post.

My father passed away on Easter Sunday. He spent a week in the hospital after having an unexpected stroke. We had to take him off his breathing tube because the damage in his brain was so severe. He was 54 years old.

It's been forever since I felt like I had anything extra to give. So blogging was put on the back burner. I could barely function as a mother and wife for awhile.

I didn't lose much weight during the last few months. I have finally started getting back to normal habits. I am at 202 lbs... that's 111 lbs if you are counting. ( I am ) lol.

I think my body is changing and shifting. People are really commenting about how I look. Men are hitting on me. And I feel great! : ) Though the random men hitting on me is really weird. Thank goodness my hubby is a good sport about it all.

I really need to get back to the gym on a regular basis and I need to quit cheating on sweets. Just 2 lbs to go and I can finally be under 200lbs. How cool will that be.

Thanks for letting me ramble. I will try to post more regularly.

1 Year Bandanniversary!!! 100lbs GONE...

Well, it's here! A whole year and exactly 100lbs lighter. I kinda gave up making any sort of weight loss goals for the last month. I figured I would get where I got and that was good enough.

I weighed myself this morning and what do you know... 213.4 lbs.

I couldn't have imagined this kind of success a year ago. In fact, before my surgery, my husband and I were talking about my weight loss goals. I told him that I would be very pleased with 80lbs lost in 1 year... but I wasn't counting on it.

: )

A year later I can look back and say... THANK GOODNESS for my band. This has been a life changer. I am curious what the next few years will bring...

I am 33lbs from my initial goal of 180 lbs... I am 75% of way to that goal.

I am feeling truly blessed and grateful this day!!! Happy Bandanniversary to me!!!


Stay tuned: for updated 100lbs lost pictures!

UNDERgrown.... Lane Bryant?

I was looking for some longer sleeved undershirts that I could wear this summer under my short sleeve work clothes... figured I'd swing my Lane Bryant because they have always been good to me. (not the price! lol. but they have always fit!)

I asked the gal who worked there for some help, she lead me to the shirts and grabbed a size... she then held it up and apologetically said "the lowest we go is a size 14-16". I automatically said " no problem" thanks. It wasn't until I was in the dressing room that I wondered why she said it that way... I tried the shirt on and what do you know... that shirt was too BIG! Yep, I have under grown Lane Bryant.

Surprisingly, I wasn't very happy about this news.

I was kinda of in shock... like, GREAT... where do I go now? I guess you could say I was in mourning. I know, I know... weird huh? I should have been jumping for joy! I think because I wasn't prepared for the moment to happen.. it took me by surprise.

Of course, after digesting the info... I can now say that I am ecstatic to be moving on. I called a girlfriend of mine (who has lost over 100 lbs) and we figured out a few possible locations to find what I am looking for. So, there you have it. A NSV!

PS!! Just 2 days until my 1 year Bandiversary (Sp?)... CRAZY!!! I'll be posting more on that day.

The ugly...

Here is my belated ugly posted...

Right after my fill I wondered if I was to tight. I had only gotten... .25 cc (not much) and I was doing fine during meals but for two nights in a row I... how do I say it... I burped food/stomach stuff while sleeping. Talk about freaking out... I have tried to be such a good bandster and when that happen twice in 2 nights... I was thinking that I was going to have to go in for an unfill. I held back because I was eating perfect bandster meals during the day and not feeling over tight. Tight, yes, but not OVER tight. What I finally figured out was that with my new fill I can no longer go to bed within 1 hour of eating. That adjustment seems to have fixed the whole scary night burping thing and I seem to be on the right track.

Now for the really ugly part...


So, right before the funeral I came down with a very bad cold. (and I am positive that there is a relation between a cold/mucus that causes my band to swell.) I was so tight on our way down to Texas, that I was drinking warm liquids before every meal just so I could get any amount of food down during a meal. (warm liquids before a meal tend to help open my band up) Anyways... I was being extremely careful because I had never felt such restriction... (my fill had been 2 weeks earlier and I HAD been fine) I was nervous taking a trip while being so tight but funerals don't wait.

I did pretty well until the day of the funeral. I was at the family luncheon we had before the funeral. I wasn't able to get a hot drink prior to eating and I took some food including a small piece of homemade fried chicken. I think it was the chicken that did it. I felt that feeling of... "you better stop cause things aren't moving, better wait till it passes" feeling. So I took a break and sat there... the feeling got worse and worse. Finally about 5 min later I told my husband that I was going to excuse myself because I was having some band issues. I ended up in the bathroom with a serious stuck feeling... I felt the burn telling me that I need to throw up but I held on figuring it would pass (like normal) but it just got worse and worse. I started the drooling part and finally figured screw it... I was going to have to let give in and "toss it up" into the porcelain. What shot out was pure slimy clearness... no food at all. I felt some relief but still felt like crap. Then within 5 min it was starting all over again... I was like... "what the crap" this has never happen before. The bathroom started to fill up with extended family and I moved my agony out to an empty part of the church... and I ended up throwing up into a church trash can and STILL no food. Just clear slimy stuff... (my apologies to the church staff)

Finally, something like 45 mins later I was able to rejoin the family. Just in time too... my insides felt torn up and sore. I was so scared that I had just caused serious damage to my self and all while out of town. It was horrible.

I ended up staying on liquids for OVER 24 hours and I DID recover. But I was sore inside all that night. It was truly my UGLEST banding moment.

UPDATE AS OF TODAY: I truly am tight but I don't think overly tight. I can eat just about anything (very little to none... rice, pasta bread) but my meals are about 3/4 a cup to 1 cup. I always go to bed at least 1 hour after eating. And I pretty much feel like I am at my sweet spot. My weight has been consistently coming off and I am feeling great. If I get a cold I will be sure to watch how my band is doing. This truly is a different way of life but as I reach my almost 100 lbs gone mark I am SO grateful for this little tool of mine and I'd do it all again. I am learning to respect the band and work with it. I am willing to put off my desires for the "rules" of the band.