Better...

Thanks for reading my last blog post... I was beyond frustrated, tired... and just plain miserable.

Had .3 taken out. There is no real reason as to why my band was acting up. I was prescribed an anticid to help but not really sure how that is going to help in the long run. The good news is that I have been sleeping like a baby.. NO aspiration. WHEW. Thank goodness.

I 'll keep you posted on my next plan of attack.

For the moment it's all about mindful eating.

Damn it! The band and I are not getting along!!!!

YES! Goody two shoes just cursed on her blog. For most of you that is not a big deal but to those that know me personally you'll know that I am a pretty straight laced kinda gal who goes to church every Sunday and only curses when no one is around or if I am feeling kinda naughty. ; )  But right now I could yell it from the roof tops... I am so frustrated with my band. guuurrrrrrr... #@!!%!!!!!!

In July/Aug, I was aspirating and had a major unfill and then by October I had gain 10lbs. Since hubby and I were considering trying for a wee baby I figured that I would old school it and try counting calories and working out so that I could lose the weight without a fill. Plus, I wanted to see if I could do it. AND DANG it's hard work... I mean... if I was ever any good at losing weight in the first place I wouldn't have needed this band. Losing weight without the band having a proper fill can be pretty discouraging AND since I have this feeling that there is no wee baby on it's way anytime soon. I decided to what the heck, go get a small fill to help things move along.

So last Monday I had .75 of a 1cc put in my band. I do the required liquids for 24 hours and then start my normal band eating... The next day is awesome! No hunger... small meals. (no more eating bread) feeling great. Eating on a schedule. Back to the good days but then night comes.... I was thinking that there was a lot of pressure in my esophagus before going to bed. But since I had eaten well over 4 hours earlier I figured it had to be fine. NOPE! About an hour after falling a sleep I wake up to stomach acid in my throat. Well crap! I prop my pillows up and sleep the rest of the night sitting up. I baby it for the next few days and every night I can feel the pressure and I start sleeping in a up right position. (think a lazy boy of pillows) Last night it was the worse... I am not kidding about every 2 hours I would wake up by a small burp of stomach acid. SO FINE! FINE! FINE! FINE! FINE!

I am going for an unfill tomorrow.

I am just ticked off at the moment.

Frustrated that when I get the "sweet spot" I also get aspiration.

I refuse to damage by esophagus or risk aspiration pneumonia.

Frustrated because I feel fine all day long but during the evening. It get's all tight.

pneumonia

pneumonia

nfection/pneumonia

nfection/pneumonia

Exhausted because I haven't slept  well all week along. Sitting up in bed just doesn't give me a restful night sleep... neither does randomly being woken up by burps or stomach acid.

Here I sit at 9:57pm my last meal was a 6:30pm the tightness in my esophagus is there... I keep burping and  thinking what the #@!!%! why is this only happening in the evening. A bit afraid to attempt to sleep because of the horrible night I had last night. Wishing I could have had that un fill today or yesterday. And just generally frustrated.

So to make myself feel better I'll post two photos of me and a friend of mine. Just to remind myself how AWESOME the band can be. Hoping that I can figure out what to do next. I'll keep you posted.

Doesn't She look great!!!! Together we have lost about 250lbs. So cool.

My first 5K... A MUD RUN!!!

It's about time... that I ran a 5k. O.K. so I didn't really run it... I started out strong and then about 50 paces into it... I walked it. LOL! but I gave it my best effort!!

I had a friend with me and we ran, walked, ran, walked, walked, ran, walked, walked, walked, ran, walked, walked, walked, walked, crawled... heck it was a mud run after all. And to be honest by the end I had so many rocks in my shoes that the whole experience was becoming painful. LOL!

I didn't properly train for anything serious... and to be honest I HATE running. (Give me a bike any day.)  So at least a mud run made it bearable and heck even possible... add a good friend in the mix and BAM! an automatic good time. Here are some fun pics... just for the heck of it. : )

 That is me on the left... making some sort of face...??? lol.

GO ME!!!! I tried not to think about this being at a equestrian arena... nothing like playing in poo... : )

Quick Update! MUCHO BETTER!

 Quick Update: I am doing good... the lowest amount of fill in forever but no aspirating and feeling great. The Negative:  I am up 10lbs. But I am at my OH CRAP point and am so far successfully not gaining anymore and am focusing on losing. The Plan: Joined myfitnesspal.com to track my calories and I am loving the interface. Running a 5k this weekend that I am ill prepared for but going to do it anyways! Pray for me! ; ) AND since my play is over I am back at the gym this week and ready to get back in shape and back on track. In a nutshell: Happy as a clam and enjoying my free time and the last of the summer days with my boys. Oh and officially off birth control. YIKES! Yep, no pressure or hurry but God willing we are open to THAT! Scary! : )

 Finished my play Into the woods. Yes, that BEAUTIFUL but vain stepsister on the left is me. So much fun!

]

And yes that is me and Chris... sigh.... what can I say.... we are tight. He thinks I look hot in my bloomers. ; )



 

WHAT?!? Swollen Band!!!

Here's my update...

Haven't had a fill or unfill since Dec 2010....

Then this last month I have been struggling a bit at night. About once a week I would wake up with fluid in my throat. Which makes me cough and there was a slight stomach acid to it all. It was smaller then my past aspiration experience. (smaller amount of fluid almost burp like amount)

I wasn't sure what to do about it. I made sure to quit eating at dinner time (6pm-ish) and give myself a few hours before bed. And that seemed to help. But then it would happen again when the only thing I had put in my body was water and when I hadn't eaten food for over 4 hours. I know how dangerous aspiration is but I figured I could just avoid having an un fill by sleeping most nights propped up with pillows and cutting off all food and liquids at least 3 hours before bed.

That only worked about 90 percent of the time. It was just so dang unpredictable. UGH!

Well, this weekend we went camping and it was horrible. I wasn't eating poorly, so it wasn't because I was abusing my band... but for what ever reason I was aspirating multiple times at night. Last night I ate my last meal at 8pm and drank little to no water the rest of the evening. Went to bed at 1:30am and woke up at 4:18, 5:30, 6:00 and 7:15... 3 of those times I was propped up in a sitting position. So in a nutshell I was aspirating on my saliva. WHAT THE ****!

By morning I was scared and I called and made an appt for an unfill. I was prepared to take all the fluid out. I kept thinking of my sweet boys and how it would totally suck if I died because I was to stubborn/scared of weight gain to go get a unfill.

Sigh.

Luckily, I seem to not be any worse for the wear and I have had 1cc taken out. I asked "How come a band that is perfect for months can suddenly be so tight?" I was told that it just happens.... sigh. I guess when I got banded I thought once I was in the green zone it would just stay there. But I am learning that is not the case. I am  beginning to understand that in order to be a responsible band owner I will be maintaining "it" for the rest of my life.

But I am so grateful for the new life it has given me that it will be worth the cost of the multiple DR appts a year. I better just start adding in the cost of my band maintenance into the family budget. It is what it is.I think I was just in denial for the last month. (and I HATE spending money on things I "think" I can fix myself)

On a side note: I went blonde!!! I guess you can say that my weight loss has empowered me and I am doing things now that I would have never done before. I tried out for my 1st play and actually got a part. In August I will be performing as a vain stepsister in a production of INTO THE WOODS. How crazy is that!

 These are not the best photos but this is me in one of my on stage costumes. I seriously am only wearing this outfit in 2 of the scenes. How nuts is that!!!! I am a bit concerned about the skin under my arms waving to the audience but I guess I can just try to keep my upper arms close to my body. Well, wish my luck on that one... let's just hope you can't notice from the floor. I seriously would have never been brave enough to do this at 313 lbs.

And here I am with my blonde hair. My hubby likes it... so maybe it will stay around for a while. I dunno. Personally I am a brunette so I haven't completely takin to it.



Well... I'm off to bed.  I am WAY nervous that I will have another horrible night. Hoping that 1 cc was enough of a un fill. The DR made it sound like it would be. Last night really, really freaked me out.

Night.

WHAT!?! 2 Years just snuck right past... (pictures)

I've been banded for 2 whole years... getting this little tool "installed" was the best gift that I could have given myself and my family. I am still anxious to see where this journey will take me. (And to be honest a bit nervous as to where I'll end up) But all I can say is that never in all my life of dieting have I ever been able to maintain any amount of dieting/weight loss for any amount of time. So this is a new record for me and you know what? I'm still losing...

Yeah, sure, it's a lot tougher now to lose weight then it use to be (when I was first banded, it came off without a lot of work on my part) but it's at least possible!!! And for so many years.... it was just SO IMPOSSIBLE!!! I feel normal now.

Maintaining is the new normal for me and if I want to lose weight then I have to really eat less and work out more. I mean that is what I always heard people say that's what it took to lose weight but it just never worked that way for me.

I can't really explain it. But if you've ever been really overweight you'll know what I'm talking about. And if you've never struggled with major weight issues then you'll just think it was lack of will power on my part. But I'm telling you... it was something more. Something I couldn't take care of on my own. I needed help and for me that help came in the form of a little tool called a Lap-band.

Now losing weight is more like a game. A challenge... Can I lose another 10 lbs? If not.. Oh'well.. I am happy where I am... if so then how cool is that!!

I have met all my personal goals for why I wanted to lose this weight... my last goal of seeing 180.00 on the scale is only 8lbs away. I have lost 125lbs. I am 94% of the way to my goal of 180lbs.

I feel blessed. What an opportunity and blessing this has been for me and my family. I remember about a week before I went to have my surgery laying in bed with my husband, he said something like "Wow, this could really be a game changer... you could look totally different in a year...." I agreed with him but my heart was thumping in my chest and I was really scared that it was just another false hope, just another gimmick, just another failed attempt... AND It hasn't been a magic fix. It HAS taken work, effort, dedication and responsibility. But I'm telling you now... It's been worth it!

So just for fun... here are some photos of me pre-band. As always click on the picture for the larger version. (cringe) I'm sure I have even better more embarrassing pictures in my back up files but these were the handy picture files still on my computer.










2 years After:

Yep, that's me on the left with 3 of my siblings... I look tiny wedged in there between my big ole brothers. Yeah, and I just said "tiny" a word that I never thought I would say in regards to me!

hmmmm... another gastirc to band story - GO CARNIE!

Carnie Wilson undergoes weight loss surgery for the second time

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2012/03/21/carnie-wilson-undergoes-weight-loss-surgery-for-second-time/?intcmp=features#ixzz1pn91sUrT

Whew!

Happy to say that I made it back to my pre christmas weight! YEAH!

I am on a new mission to make it to 180.0 by Easter. I even bought a Easter skirt and top that doesn't really fit at the moment. It's all snug and lumpy. So I have what about six weeks to drop that last 10-12 lbs. In order for that outfit to look good.

It's been a while since I set a serious goal so this is going to be challenging. I figure it's perfect timing. It's starting to warm up and I am am ready to get a movin.

I have always wanted to weigh 180.0 but never thought it possible. I am so close... I can almost taste it! I can soooo do this!!! Send me some good motivation vibes! Cute Easter outfit here I come... by the way... it is a size 12. AHHHH!!! a size 12!!! That is nuts!

It's Your Choice...

If you keep eating what you've been eating you'll keep weighing
what you've been weighing.  

Your CHOICE.  

ADMIT that every time you eat you are making CHOICES.

Choices that lead you towards or goal or choices that keep
you stuck or make you go backwards.  Figure out what you
REALLY want and make the choices that lead you there.

--Jessie

Read this to day... and it made me go hmmmmmmm.... going to post it on my bathroom mirror.

Don't think about it!

I've decided to "not think about it".

When I get up in the morning I just put my work out clothes on... drop my son off at school and head directly to the gym.

Once I am there I LOVE it!

The problem I have is that if I think about it... I make all kind of excuses not to go. example: I'll work out at home, I'll go later, I am running behind and the class will be to full... etc etc

So there you have it. Decide what you are going to do... and then don't think about it. ; )

1st major weight gain since being banded

Well it had to happen at some point. After having lost half of my fill... and combining the timing with Christmas. It was the perfect storm. Yep.. I put on about 9lbs!! HOLY CRAP! Yep that is how I feel. It happen in like two weeks... it was all that dang sugar and lack of will power.

The good news is that I am down 3 lbs already and I REFUSE... I SAY REFUSE!!! to go down the gaining weight road any further.

I have a fill appt this coming week. I am hoping that I have been unfilled long enough that any band irritation that I had has gone away.

To help things in the right direction... I am only allowing myself to have sugar 1 day a week. (I can have honey... just no sugar)

Also I am back at the gym.

That's it in a nutshell.

Stupid weight gain but hope is in the near future! : )